and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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