so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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