found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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