I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
