Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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