Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
