genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
