Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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