he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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