Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
