i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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