Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
