I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
