Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
whose parrot is this?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
