i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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