I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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