how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
