I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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