____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
