I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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