So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
