I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
