I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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