can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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