I got chris browned last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
