Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
