Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
