Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
