If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
