As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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