how can u be prego again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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