I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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