I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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