and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
