I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
