A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
