was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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