Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Success! We fucked roommates!
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