dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
