i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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