The maid of honor just puked.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
