I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
