you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
