I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
