I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
