The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
