I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
