i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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