Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
