thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
