used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
