3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
