When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
