Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
