he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bring me that man meat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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