i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have fence marks all over my body
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
