she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
